Goodbye Zion

I don't really feel like I have the emotional capacity to write about this week, but here goes.

As you know by now, Seth and Sonya lost their baby boy, Zion, last weekend.  They were able to come home from the hospital on Tuesday, once Sonya's blood pressure stabilized.  Coming home to:
*an empty crib
*an empty rocking chair
*baby boy clothes
*brand new maternity clothes
*laying in bed with a quiet stillness where there was so much movement just days ago

But also:
*a steady stream of friends and family
*a house cleaned by friends
*meal after meal after meal
*offers of help for anything and everything
*an abundance of hugs

This morning we had a funeral service for Zion at Riverside Bible Camp, where Seth and Sonya were married.  They put together a powerful service including songs like "Before the Morning". There are no words to describe how painful it is to see an 18" casket holding a tiny body and a lifetime of hopes and dreams.  Or to hear your best friend weep wail as she tries to say goodbye to her baby boy.  Or to watch grown men cry.  And hear little Grace say that she wants to take him home, but eventually kiss her brother's casket and say, "Bye Zion."

It hurts.  Bad.

But there have been glimmers of hope too.  Like the printer who, after printing the bulletins for the funeral, asked Sonya, "Is this your son?"  When she said yes, he replied (with tears in his eyes), "I can't charge you for these.  Just take them and go...I'm so sorry."  Or the family members that drove from Wisconsin, Minnesota, and South Dakota to show their support.  And then, of course, there's Grace.  She is a continuous reminder of how God turned something ugly and painful into something beautiful.

I don't know what the future holds for Seth, Sonya, and Grace.  Doctors have told Sonya her body is "inhospitable" for carrying a baby and it would seem another pregnancy is out of the question.  Please continue to pray for divine comfort and healing for their wounded souls.  And please pray for guidance as they explore the possibilities for future children.  Adoption? Or maybe even surrogacy??!  :)

So for tonight, I will just say...Goodbye, sweet Zion.  I love you always.
-Aunt Sissy

Zion Thomas Lorntson

This was going to be a blog about how much better everyone has been sleeping in our house.  And I was going to write about how well we've been adjusting to three kids in our house during the weekdays.  Or about baking a cake to celebrate (barely) surviving our latest financial crisis.

But none of that matters to me anymore.  If you're looking for a lighthearted read tonight, this isn't the blog post for that.  I sit here tonight with a very heavy heart.

As many of you know, my brother (Seth) and his wife (Sonya) were nearly 27 weeks along in their pregnancy with a baby boy.  It was a high-risk pregnancy, as they lost their first son (Elijah) at 22 weeks due to pre-eclampsia.  (They adopted Grace six months after losing Elijah)  We knew the stakes were high, but Sonya had been closely monitored all throughout this pregnancy and everything had been going perfectly.  Her last appointment was just on Thursday and there was nothing of concern.  She's had regular ultrasounds to check growth, clotting, etc.  All normal.  By this point, we all thought that if something happened, they would just immediately deliver the baby and he'd have a great chance of survival.

When Sonya called me yesterday at 6:56 pm with the words, "I have bad news,"  I started crying immediately because I knew she would never use those words unless it was serious.  Really serious.  She told me that they had come to the hospital in Waterloo (they had been visiting her parents for the weekend) because she was in pain.  When they arrived they discovered her baby had no heartbeat and was gone.  Gone?  That's it?  How could he be gone?  Can't they do an emergency c-section?  He was just kicking and moving hours before!  There must be some mistake.  This can NOT be happening again.  
I was now sobbing (while driving).  She told me that they were inducing labor and now they would just wait to deliver their baby boy.  Dear God, please don't let this happen again!  We've been here before and it's just too painful!


"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Corinthians 12:9a


Zion Thomas Lorntson was born this morning at 6:21 am, weighing 2.21 pounds, measuring 13.5 inches long. He now rests in the arms of Jesus, and for that, we rejoice.  I so desperately wanted to see him and hold him and kiss him, but I will have to wait for that reunion later.  Apparently, the placenta became clotted and abrupted from the side of the uterus, causing his stillbirth.  Sonya's blood pressure also became elevated, showing signs of pre-eclampsia.  They will stay in the hospital in Waterloo until her blood pressure stabilizes, Monday night at the earliest.

Right now, I'm thinking about this little girl who lost her baby brother.

And I'm thinking about Jack, who lost his would-be buddy.

And I'm thinking about my parents, who have now watched their son lose two sons.

And I'm thinking about my brother that was so excited to have a son to play with.  And teach.  And build things with.

And I'm thinking about Sonya, who knows Zion better than anyone on this earth.  And has been caring for him for months.  And has had to go through labor and delivery twice, but never experienced the incredible joy that comes at the end of it.

I don't understand any of it.  We're all pretty numb, and Seth and Sonya are still in a state of shock.  Less than 48 hours ago they were gathered around, watching him kick and move.  And now he's gone.  It's pretty shocking.  The next few days and weeks are going to be incredibly difficult for them, and I know the pain will never fully cease in this lifetime.  Please keep them in your prayers.  Please take a minute to write them an encouraging note.  Grace is staying with us for the time being, and I'm trying to coordinate meals to bring to them when they come home.  Please let me know if you are interested in helping minister to them in this way.

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:13-16

More Random Thoughts

It'll probably be at least 20 years (if ever) before I have cohesive thoughts, so I won't even bother with that.   Here's what's new:

1.  Jeremy installed our diaper sprayer!  Now that we've added solids to Brooklyn's diet, her diapers have....changed, making cloth diapers slightly less convenient.  But the Bum Genius diaper sprayer makes it oh-so-easy to wash the mess right into the toilet.

2.  This past weekend, I convinced my family to help with a "2-hour" project of building shelving in the garage.  It definitely took more than two hours, but in the end we were able to clean up our garage and organize our bedrooms.  We moved Brooklyn out of Jack's room and into her own.  At first, I was sad to be splitting them up, but now I have to say I'm pretty relieved that they each have their own space.  I'm kicking myself for not taking "before" pictures of the garage because it was a major disaster that is now a usable space.

Best of all, the whole thing only cost $100!

3.  I learned something new today.  Are you ready???  If your car is ever parked in a flood, DON'T TURN IT ON.  Apparently, turning it on is what ruins it.  Even if it's completely flooded, have it towed to a car shop, and they can dry it out and salvage it.  (Your interior, on the other hand, might be toast.  Also, if you drive into flooded waters, you're probably out of luck)  This helpful tip comes from my friend, Kaitlyn, who is an auto mechanic's wife.  

4.  Brooklyn has a tooth!  

5.  Jack is talking all the time now.  When a friend's baby that I was watching left our house, he said, "We no have two babies any more?  We just have one baby now."   Good counting, Jack!  Papa Tom would be proud.  Some of his favorites right now are:  trains, vacuums (although he's scared of most of them), diggers, and playing with play-dough.  

6.  The sleep issue around here is still........well, a bit of an issue.  Item #4 may be partly to blame.  The past few nights, Brooklyn has gotten up three times a night, which is an improvement.  Now that we're back from vacation, and she has her own room, I'm going to really focus on a consistent routine and see if that helps.  

7.  Today is my brother's 29th birthday (tomorrow is also my sister-in-law's 29th birthday).  Which reminds me that my mother is an incredible woman.  She delivered a breech baby without any drugs.  Uhhhh, hello wonder woman!!

8.  Jeremy likes to commentate what he thinks is going through Jack's head, which, by the way, must stop!  There are a million reasons why it needs to end, but here's the most recent:  the other day, we were taking a walk when a 13-ish year old girl jogged by.  Jack was watching her, and Jeremy, pretending to be Jack, said "hey girrrl."  Out loud.  Then realized after she was gone that all she witnessed was a creepy dad that said "hey girrrl" to her as she ran by.  

At least he doesn't still have this mustache.

      

Recap

A lot has been going on lately.  So, in no particular order, here goes:

*My parents' 38th wedding anniversary is today!  Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!  I'm so very thankful for their example of love and commitment.

*Brooklyn is 8 months old today!  And still not crawling!  I'm certainly not complaining, though; it's a lot easier to know that she'll stay roughly in the same place that I set her down.  She can roll and scoot to get around, but she hasn't figured out how to get her belly off the floor.

Everything about this is awesome.  The baby rolls, the pose, the smile...

*Central Iowa has been pounded by rain lately, causing some serious flooding.  Roads and businesses have been closed, and due to several water main breaks, now Ames residents don't have safe drinking water.  Our crawl space (which we refer to as the Jennings' Chamber of Secrets), although damp, has not flooded, thanks to our hard working sump pump.  Our church (and its parsonage) did flood and several people have been working hard to clean it up.  A lot of people are experiencing incredible frustration and loss right now.  With two little ones to take care of at home, I feel a bit helpless.  If anyone needs a shower or a flushable toilet or a meal....come on over!!

*We got back from our vacation (to northern Minnesota) on Tuesday night, just before the flooding really hit.  We stayed in a cabin with my mom and dad, my brother and his 2-year old daughter, Grace.  Jeremy and I have differing takes on how vacation went.  He would probably mostly mention the whining children.  But this isn't his blog, so never-mind all that!  :)  For the most part, it was a pretty good trip.  Jack traveled in the car great.  Brookyln had a harder time on Tuesday, when our trip home took 9 hours.  Neither one of them slept well.  Jack had a hard time going to sleep every single time.  Jeremy had to hold him, crying, until he fell asleep.  The weather, on the other hand, was amazing.  The kind of weather where you could wear a hoodie and jeans or a t-shirt and shorts and be comfortable either way.  Ahhh.  One afternoon the kids both slept for over two hours, and Jeremy and I got to spend the time outside our cabin in the cool air, eating junk food.  It was a pretty fun time.  I captured this delightful picture of my sweet husband:

Doesn't he look a little....dead?

*Last week's music camp at our church was a success!  I had no idea what to expect beforehand, but I ended up with a small group (6) of very fun and talented kids.  They wrote a song, recorded it (both instruments and vocals) and made a music video to go with it.  All in four mornings!

*My garden is overflowing with tomatoes.  I made oven-roasted tomato sandwiches for lunch today and they were oh-so-delicious!  If anyone would like some tomatoes, let me know!

*Thanks to a new phone with better texting, I am now on twitter.  Being the rockstar that I am, I have not one, but two followers.   Move over Ashton.

Thoughts on my *frazzled* mind

1.  Jeremy is sick.  Again.  Boo.

2.  Everyone needs more sleep in this house.  Brooklyn's been getting up in the night and usually ends up sleeping in our room before the night is over.  And Jack has been staying up too late and having an increasingly difficult time going to bed.  The past few nights he's been turning on the light in his room after I leave and then monkeying around.  There's really no point in working too hard to change it right now, though, because we're going on the vacation at the end of the week.  But let me tell you, once we get back...it's ON!

3.  On that note, I'm not sure the kids can continue to share a room much longer.  Tonight, I turned up the volume on our monitor only to realize I was listening to the neighbors' monitor because Jack had pulled ours down, turning it off.  By the way, I wanted to eavesdrop, but I forced myself to turn it off.  When I went into their room, the light was on, and Jack was standing at his very wide-awake sister's crib, talking to her.  Grrr.

4.  I'm directing a music camp this week at our church.  We're planning to write some music and make a music video by the time the week is over.  I should be working on it right now, but I guess I must enjoy the thrill of wondering if something will end in disaster or not.

5.  Can you tell I have a bad attitude tonight?  Sorry.

6.  Ok.  Now that I've had my moment, here's what I'm super pumped about.  Ryan Seiler has asked me to write piano parts to several of his songs on his upcoming solo album.  In case you don't know, he's extremely talented, and I'm honored to be a part of his project!

7.  And even more exciting still...is all the babies that are arriving in 2010!  I have three good friends due to deliver in the next few weeks.  And several more, including my bro & sister-in-law, later this fall/winter.  And our awesome friends, Dave & Mattea Whetstone, are planning to adopt a baby!!  I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am for them.  And me.  Because our kids will definitely be friends.


I think that's all for now.  Here are a couple of sweet pics of my little rascals.  :)